Monday, October 20, 2014

Hutchison Takes a Hike

Former inmate Olen Hutchison cheated the Grim Reaper when he died of natural causes yesterday while awaiting his execution date on Tennessee's death row.

Hutchison was one of seven men accused of killing another man by luring the victim to a lake under the guise of taking a fishing trip. The victim, who couldn't swim, was then pushed out of a boat and subsequently drowned. Hutchison and his co-defendants hoped to collect insurance money after the victim's demise.

This is believed to be the first documented case of a phishing scam.   

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Diversity Comes to Death Row

Who says death row is a sealed environment with no room for outsiders?

Well, technically it is. But our justice system showed a flair for affirmative action this week when Raghunandan Yandamuri was sentenced to death in Pennsylvania for the murders of a 61-year-old woman and her young granddaughter during a failed kidnapping plot. Yandamuri, an Indian national, is currently the only citizen from that country to reside on America's death row.

"We're excited about it," boasted an anonymous member of the corrections department. "Each new nationality we bring in makes death row a more rich and diverse society—just like the United Nations, but without all the hate and yelling and fighting. God help us if we ever sink to that level."