Monday, July 2, 2012

No 'Suicide by Oyster' for Steven Hayes

Convicted murderer Steven Hayes, whose crimes were so terrible that he could serve as the new poster boy for death penalty advocates, apparently concocted a grand scheme to escape from his sentence; death by oyster.

While in jail, Hayes--who has a massive allergy to the slimy sea creatures--came up with a plan to trade the police false information about other crimes in return for special meals, namely oysters. He would then eat the deadly seafood and therefore rob the state of the chance to carry out its punishment.

This is clearly another shellfish act by a criminal who only cares about himself. He tried to manipulate prison officials like they were prawns in a chess game, but his plan failed. Now that his scheme has been uncovered, he can clam up and go back to the weight bench to work on his mussels.